Dress up time

Day 104, 292.8 lbs, that's 63 lbs so far

I had this really amazing, "ah ha" moment today.  I just got back from a weekend in St. George with the family.  It was so nice and warm down there so I decided to pack clothes for warmer weather.  However, all my clothes are too big right now, which is like, "boo hoo", I know, but do you realize how hard its going to be to have to continually buy new clothes every time I drop a few sizes?  But it has gotten to the point were I cant "fudge" wearing a lot of the clothes I own, because they are just too big.  It was really apparent down in St. George because I pulled out some clothes that I haven't worn since last season and even they were too big.

Anyway, so I had the day off today and after getting my hair done (which, by the way, I'm loving) and visiting the doctor's to find out I was 2 lbs lighter after a weekend vacation, I decided to hit the mall and find some spring/summer clothes.

So I get to my favorite store, Torrid, at the Fashion Place mall, and I start looking around.  I pick out a couple of cute summer dresses and since I would normally walk in and go right for the size 4 or 5, (they do these weird sizes there to make you not feel so bad about yourself.  A 5 would be a size 28 and a 4 would be a size 26.), I decided to pick up all the dresses in size 3.  I got to the dressing room and started to put the first dress on.  As I was putting on the dress, the sales associate came by and asked if I was doing ok.  I was standing there in awe as the size 3 dress I just put on, was way too big.  I said to him, "Um, I think I need a smaller size."  That was the first time in 10 years I have ever said that while trying on clothes.  He exchanged the dresses I grabbed for size 2s (size 22) and I put the first one on.  It fit me perfectly.  Right there, staring at myself in the mirror, I started to cry. I was so overcome with emotion. I was really wearing a size I haven't worn in 10 years. The sales associate came by again and asked how the 2s were working out for me and I opened the door with tears in my eyes and just stared at him.  I'm sure, in that moment he thought I was crazy, but then I just blurted out to him that I never thought I would ever be a 22 again and I have lost 63 lbs and I am so excited.  He just hugged me and told me way to go.  I was so proud of myself in that moment.  Then he was like, "I'll be right back."  A few moments later he is throwing dresses over the door that he found that he thinks I will look great in.  I was just laughing.  He was so cute and excited for me too.  He made me come out and model every dress I tried on. I even found a dress in a size 20 that fit me. It was the best shopping experience of my life.  In that moment, I saw in myself, what everyone has been telling me they could see in me. 

I ended up buying way too much stuff.  And I know that I am just going to grow out of all of it and have to go get more stuff, but that moment felt so good, I wanted to have that motivation every time I put on clothes and looked in the mirror.  I want that daily reminder that I can do this.

I snapped photos of some of the stuff I bought while I was in the dressing room.  It was too good of a photo op to pass up.  

Good Riddance

Day 84, 299 lbs (YEAH THAT'S RIGHT) That's 56 lbs so far

Good-bye 300s. I have never been so glad to see the number 2 in my life. I have now blasted through weight goals #3 Lose 50 lbs and #4 Get under 300 lbs. The funny things is, I actually got to goal #4 on day 77, but then I hit a small snag in the road.

So last Monday I was working at the hospital. I had not been feeling great that day. Didn't sleep well before my shift, had heart burn all day and some lower back pain.  As I was getting ready for work, I noticed that I had some mild pain in my left chest/lung when I would take deep breaths.  Now I kind of blew it off thinking I just needed to pass gas, but as I was driving into work I also developed a mild cough and started thinking I was getting pneumonia.  The pain with breathing was increasing and there have been a few people in the RTU who were diagnosed with pneumonia.  I was talking to Dusten on the way to work and I was telling him how I felt. I told him, "If Stacey got me sick, I'm going to kill her."

When I got to work, I still felt the pain but I didn't have time to think about it, because we were busy.  As the night progressed though, the pain was getting worse. I couldn't take a deep breath without feeling this crushing feeling in my chest and everyone at work was starting to get worried.  I had Stacey and Dr. Polhill listen to me.  I wasn't wheezing and I wasn't decreased but now the pain was so bad that I was avoiding taking deep breaths at all. The shallow breathing was making me lightheaded.  Dr. Polhill suggested that I talk to the adult emergency medicine resident that was working in the ED that night. We went over to talk to her and tell her my symptoms.  She and Dr. Bolte were listening to me and after telling them of my recent lap-band surgery, they began to get worried that I was having a PE (pulmonary embolism) essentially a blood clot in the lungs, developed from having surgery.  My symptoms seemed to fit. I wasn't so sure, since it had been over 2 months since my surgery, but no one wanted to take the chance. They decided I needed to be checked in and treated. God help me.

Nurse Steve started hooking me up to monitors and threw me oxygen. So not how I had planned my night going.  They decided to put an IV in me and get an EKG before having me go to an adult hospital. They wanted to wheel me over to the U of U hospital but I asked to go to an IHC hospital for insurance purposes. Dr. Bolte told me he was going to have me ambulanced to LDS Hospital.  Like hell you are.  I'm not paying a $700 ambulance bill to go 5 minutes away. Meanwhile, Stacey, who was charging that night decided to call Dusten to come pick me up and take me to LDS. The RTU scrambled to take over my patients so I could be treated.  They are amazing wonderful people. Nurse Melissa placed and IV and Tech Lacey got an EKG. It showed an inverted T wave which, is non-specific, but could be a sign of PE. Great. I became the evening show in the ED. Everyone kept coming by and looking through the window at the RTU nurse that had to be admitted.  Seriously though, everyone was so wonderful and helpful and comforting.  I couldn't ask for a better group of people to work with, and I know for a fact, if I ever need medical care again, I would take a PCH ED RN over anyone.  They are amazing at what they do.

Dusten arrived and we left for LDS.  Ok, I have always believed that I am the luckiest girl alive to have Dusten as my BFF, but nothing solidified that fact more, than when he drops everything to come up to the hospital.  He is so wonderful and I am so grateful to have him in my life.

We get checked in at LDS. Melissa called ahead and gave report, so they were expecting me and knew what was going on.  it is now 1 am and they proceeded, over the next 4 hours, to perform every test know to man, to rule out PE.  Blood tests, chest x-ray and a freaking CT scan with contrast. (Yeah, I have totally met my deductible for the year, in February) The Doctor there was amazing and so comforting and kind.  The nurse, seemed like she was a few crayons short of a full pack. Then came the Dilaudid. Oh yeah. Insert drunk face here. That stuff made me happy. It seriously dulled the pain. Dusten was just laughing at me when it would hit my system and I would stop mid sentence and just smile.

Everything before the CT scan came back normal, then the CT results came back. The doctor came in and said there was no evidence of PE, but did I know I had gallstones?  Hehe, what? had no idea. Dusten starts laughing. He made a smart ass comment on the way to the hospital that, "I bet it's your gallbladder." At least I thought he was being a smart ass.  Come to find out, that's really what he thought. Go Dusten, you diagnosed me! They of course had to get an ultrasound to confirm, but yep, gallstones and I guess bad enough that it was recommended I get it taken out asap. We were discharged around 5 am and Dusten took me to get meds and then home. Again, why am I so lucky to have him as my best friend?

The next day I made an appointment to see my surgeon.  The same one that did my lap-band. Geez, why didnt he just take it out while he was in there the first time.  He was, however, amazing enough to fit me into the schedule the very next day so less than 48 hours after being diagnosed, I was having my gallbladder out.

My sister, who is also the most amazing person ever, took me to my doctors appointment, stayed the night with me, took me to my surgery and stayed with me until my mom got home from work to take care of me. She took such good care of me and I am so grateful she was there for me.  Again, how did I get so lucky to have so many amazing people in my life.

The surgery went very smoothy, and I am feeling really good today.  I am returning to work tomorrow night, so wish me luck.

As I was saying earlier, on the morning of my surgery, I weighed myself and I was 299 lbs. Yeah, but then I had surgery and with it, tons of swelling, and water retention, so it took me a week, but I am back where I was, and I am so excited because I got to say good-bye and good riddance to not only my gallbladder, this week, but also 56 lbs of a life I used to live. A life I will never see again!