Here at last

It's December 12, 2013. D-day. My dad stayed over at my house last night so he could take me to the hospital today. I was up early. I couldn't sleep, and I have been NPO since midnight, so of course all I can think about is breakfast. Which I cant have. My check in time is 1200 so my dad and I take a ride out to my sisters house to hang out and keep my mind off of today's events. All my Dad and Em can talk about about is how excited they are and, "am I nervous?" So of course that didn't work, but it is nice for a little family time. My mom has to work so she is keeping in touch via text.

Dad and I make our way to the hospital. They don't allow kids so Em stays home with Maddy and Liam but is now also keeping in touch via text. We check in right at noon and I am quickly taken to my pre-op room. I get weighed in..........

342 lbs! I have lost 13 lbs in 2 weeks on my "pre-op" diet. Well Hell, I better have. That was torture. But you see, they have to shrink my liver before surgery because the stomach sits beneath the liver so they need to lift it out of the way and don't want to risk complications with bleeding, so it was a modified liquid diet for me.

I get into my gown and Ted hose and the nurse comes in to give me a heparin shot in my arm.  Can we OUCH! that stuff stings. My pre-op nurse Louise, is a sweet little thing from Surry, England. She is so awesome and made me feel right at home.  Then she delivers the news that they are behind and even though my surgery was scheduled for 1300, I am going to be waiting for quite a while.

Great. I text my mom and Em and they are trying to keep me distracted. My dad is sleeping in the chair next to me. I wish I could do that. 1400 comes and goes, 1500 comes and goes, 1600. I am starting to get really anxious so I ask the sweet, but totally socially awkward orderly, Ryan, if I can get some valium. The new nurse, Rebecca, because it has been so long nurse Louise has gone home, brings me some valium and at 1630 i doze off. 1645, in walks the anesthesiologist, "Are we ready?" "Yeah, I have been ready for 4 hours."

I kiss my dad good-bye. He tells me he is proud of me and I am wheeled off to the OR.

There the anesthesiologist places an IV in my wrist (WTF, I have garden hose veins, why there?) after first giving me a local anesthetic. (Just place the damn IV, I don't need a big to-do) He tells me Im going to feel a little "fuzzy". (Yeah, yeah, just push the propofol and lets get on with it.) Then he Puts a mask on my face and I am out!

As I wake up I can hear everyone talking around me. I can't open my eyes but that doesn't matter because I also can't breathe. They are wheeling me to the PACU and I am gasping for air. I also have the worst chest pain I have ever felt. I can hear them talking about my asthma. They think I am having an asthma attack. They put a nebulizer on my face and start albuterol. I still feel like I cant breathe. My chest hurts so bad. All of a sudden I am being tipped upside down on my head in the bed. They are saying my blood pressure is low. I still can't breathe. My chest hurts.

After what felt like forever, I am able to open my eyes, I still feel like I am having a heart attack, but my breathing has calmed down. They take off the mask and place a nasal cannula on me and give me some Dilaudid for my chest pain. The PACU nurse (name I can't remember because I was so out of it) tells me the pain I am feeling is from the CO2 they pump into your stomach during surgery to help them see what they need to see. They try to get it all out but some gets trapped and cause a burning pain in your chest, back and shoulders. It can last up to 2 days but should steadily improve with time. I hate it. I have no surgical pain, just the gas. Its aweful.

I am wheeled to my post-op room. My mom and sister are there. Dad had to go to am appointment. I am in recovery for a long time. They cant seem to get me off the oxygen. every time I doze off, my sats drop into the 60s and the monitor alarms. My mom tells me to wake up and take a breath. I still cant get comfortable or make the gas pain stop. I change positions and they give me more Dilaudid, but my post op nurse, Kendall (who was by far my favorite) tells me she cant give me any more because she is worried about my oxygen. It's ok because it doesn't seem to do anything for me anyway. She suggests that I get up and try to use the bathroom. The walking might help. I get up and go but quickly feel nauseated and have to sit back down where I begin to dry heave. Nothing comes out because I have not had anything to eat or drink in 20 hours.

By 2130 I am finally feeling well enough to go home so my mom and Em and Nurse Kendall help me to the car. They drive me home and my mom puts me to bed. She is spending the night with me. The only position I can get comfortable in is practically upright in bed with a heating pad on my back for the gas pain that has traveled to my shoulder blades, and an ice pack on my chest.

This is where I tell you that I have the most amazing mom in the entire world.  She set her alarm for every 2 hours and would wake up, come check on me, get me new ice and pain meds or help me to the bathroom.  ALL NIGHT LONG.

Goal #2: Remember to say thank you to everyone who makes sacrifices to help me on this journey. No matter how big or how small.

Thanks Dad for being there with me to help me stay calm and reassure me everything will be alright. Thanks for saying you are proud of me.
Thanks Em for all the funny texts during my wait to help lighten the mood. Thanks for walking beside me on this journey.
Thanks Mom for taking such good care of me after my surgery and helping me through the most difficult night. Thanks for motivating me to take charge of my life. 

That's just a start. I know there will be more.

The next day my mom packs up my stuff and drives me to her house in Eden where I will spend the next 5 days recovering and getting used to my new body. What these next few days will bring is anyone's guess, but I have a feeling life will never be the same again.