The last supper

It's Thanksgiving day. I am at my parents house with my Mom, Dad, Chris and Em, and Maddy and Liam. We are sitting around the fire drinking coffee and watching the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. My mom has got the turkey in the oven and Em and I are helping her to prepare the feast. My last feast. I have myself a Bloody Mary. Heavy on the "Mary" and snack on hummus and pita chips. Today is a very special day. Not just for the fact that I am spending time with the most important people in my life, but also because I know that in 24 hours from now, I will be starting day 1 of the 14 day "pre-op" diet. I only have 1 meal left before its adios to my old life and hello to the first day of the rest of my life.

As we sit down to Thanksgiving dinner, our family puts on our tissue crowns from our "poppers", I look around at the people who I love more than anything in the world. The ones who I know will always be here to support me, to love me, to help me through all of the challenges I will face in the years to come and I think, how grateful I am to have been born into this family and how safe and calm I feel in their presence.

I am also thinking about how much I am going to miss being able to "pig out" on Thanksgiving dinner. Oh my God, it is so good. Ok.....get a hold of yourself Sarah....ITS JUST FOOD!

Ok if it were that simple, I wouldn't be in this mess in the first place. I think this is the first time I have noticed how deep my emotional connection to food really is. It actually makes me kind of mad. That I can let food control my life so much. That I am actually sitting here, and instead of focusing on giving thanks, I am wondering how much I can pack away before I feel sick. I'm not enjoying the company of my family but thinking how much its going to suck to not be able to wake up and have stuffing and mashed potatoes for breakfast. I'm actually worried that there wont be enough gravy to drench my turkey in.

My first big goal of my new life: Learn how to live around food without letting it control me.

I have a feeling that even though this is goal #1, it's going to take the longest to achieve.