No I don't want to sit at the table while you eat pizza!

Ok, It has been 3 days since my surgery. I am on a clear liquid diet until day 10. I am having juice, chicken broth, Jello, Popsicles, and tea. I am only able to consume about 1/4 cup of liquid at a time. It is amazing how I never feel hungry. Ever. I am actually forcing myself to drink merely so I stay hydrated. It's pretty cool actually.

I am feeling surprisingly great. I only have minor abdominal pain and the chest and back pain have improved considerably.  It comes and goes and gets worse while I am horizontal but nothing I cant manage. I am able to get up and down the stairs ok. I am really slow and I still rely on my oxicodone to get me through the day, but I have to say, I am in good shape.

My grandparents decide to come for a visit. My grandmother had the same procedure 4 years ago so she is excited to talk to me about it and I am excited to get helpful tips from her.  My parents prepare a wonderful meal of gourmet pizza, Cesar salad and wine for my grandparents and them.  I of course am eating Jello.  My mom tells me I should just come sit at the table and socialize with them while they eat.

This is the first time I got emotionally upset over food.  I can smell the aroma of the pizza and my mouth is watering. I am not hungry at all. Not in the slightest. But it doesn't matter because I am dying to put something in my mouth that I can actually chew. I want to taste that pizza so bad.

I can't do it. I whisper to my mom that I will be downstairs and to call for me when they are done. I go downstairs and I actually start crying. Holy Hell this is going to be a long journey if I can't even make it 3 days without have an emotional breakdown over food. I realized at that moment, just how different my life is going to be. I am going to need to overcome this pretty quickly if I am going to succeed at this.

 One, step at a time. Stop crying. Check. Grab a Popsicle (the orange one, its your favorite). Check. Eat the f*ing Popsicle. Check. Now go back upstairs and face the music. You can't expect everyone to alter their lives for you. They are not the ones on this journey, you are. Yeah it sucks. Yeah its not fair. But you are the one that got to 355 lbs. No one else did this to you.

Ok, I get it. I will learn to deal with it. It's gonna be hard but I can do it because I don't have a choice. I don't want to die, I want to live. So I have to learn to live with food.

I just need to make it to day 10 and I can start the "puree" portion of my diet. The reason for not being able to eat solids is because there is so much swelling in there and the opening into my stomach is so tight that I wont be able to pass anything solid until day 28. 4 weeks until I can have a regular diet. I can do this. Oh, and by the way, I am 336.8 lbs today!!!